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    The Cat in the Hat (2003)

    "FAIRY GODPARENTS!"Denzel Crocker
    This is one of the good articles on the wiki.

    The Cat in the Hat (2003)
    "Son of a bi-" *bleep*
    Gender: Male
    Type: The Dark Side of the Cat In the Hat
    Age: 40
    Species: Cat
    Portrayed by: Mike Myers
    Chris Edgerly (video game)
    Status: Alive
    Media of origin: The Cat in the Hat (2003)
    First appearance: The Cat in the Hat

    The Cat in the Hat is the titular protagonist of the infamous 2003 live-action film of the same name, based on the 1957 children's book by Dr. Seuss.

    He was portrayed by Mike Myers, who also played Wayne Campbell from Wayne's World, both Austin Powers and Dr. Evil from the Austin Powers franchise and Shrek from the eponymous film series (all of which are much better characters/films), and Chris Edgerly voiced him in the much better video game of the same name.

    Why This Version of (Intentionally?) Him Will Fall Flat

    1. He is a disgraceful and disgusting representation of the late Dr. Seuss' most well-known character of all time, as in this film he is mostly the complete opposite of how he was portrayed in the source material; in the book and animated special, he was kind, funny, goofy, well-meaning and while he was a bit of a nuisance, he was never a legitimate threat to the kids. In the film, however, he is mean, vulgar, unfunny, malicious, obnoxious, and a genuinely sadistic threat to the kids despite being the titular main protagonist.
      • In the climax, he mocks Larry Quinn for being allergic to him and then proceeds to push him off a cliff. Later on, he does nothing but smile when Conrad and Sally find the crate open and the latter almost gets sucked in while the former was attempting to lock the crate. When the house collapses, he sadistically brags that he "did it", until saying "we did it" due to the looks on Conrad and Sally’s faces. Also, after the house gets destroyed, the Cat in the Hat offers Conrad and Sally to play a game of tennis with him despite their predicament and then attempts to play the victim when Conrad and Sally scold him for the house's destruction. In addition, he also lies to them that he had lost his magic hat in the nightclub earlier when he still had it the whole time. Thus, the Cat flat-out admits that he knew everything was going to happen as he planned the whole day all along (minus chopping his tail), including almost getting Conrad and Sally killed and then getting the house destroyed, which would've also gotten both Conrad and Sally into immense trouble with their mother, followed by a scene where he is also shown to be very stupid when he thought that Conrad and Sally told him to get out of the house was a game.
      • He can also be incredibly mean and harsh as he doesn't care about anybody but himself, as evidenced in the scene where the Cat reveals that he wants to "cut his losses and ditch the kids" in one of his plans for helping Conrad and Sally, even though they would suffer at the hands of Larry, which is an example of how mean the Cat is. Another prime example of this ignorance is shown when Thing 1 and Thing 2 are messing up the house, he tells a sleeping Mrs. Kwan that he "would be furious" if it were his house. Why would he be furious at her?
    2. He says and/or does pretty unsuitable, inappropriate, and improper words/activities that are out of place for a film based on a Dr. Seuss book. Most infamously, he almost yelled "SON OF A B*TCH!" when he accidentally chopped his tail in the "Cupcake-Inator" scene, before cutting to a "HANG IN THERE BABY!" screen before he could fully say it. Yes, this is not a joke.
      • It doesn't help that the writers also worked on fellow DreamWorks Pictures movie EuroTrip, which is an R-rated raunchy comedy.
      • At one point during the fun song, he says, "That's why they sent him to a vet and cut off both his ba-" before changing the word to "boy". Likewise, in a verse from a deleted scene, he says "It took a ton of TNT to kill the bug up her a-" before changing it to "ASK me was she fun, fun, fun?".
      • In one scene, while jumping on the couch, he mentions it's a circus without the tortured animals and drunken clowns that have hepatitis.
      • During the roller coaster scene where the toilet is lit on fire (which is the same scene where the Cat shows Universal Studios pamphlets), he says "Something really burns my AaaaaaaHHHHH!" right as the roller coaster reaches a drop in the track.
      • He is a massive wrongful pervert, as he lusts over a picture of the protagonists' mother at one point, and in the scene where he and the kids enter a nightclub, he also lusts at Paris Hilton, who makes an out-of-place cameo in that scene.
        • He is seen lusting over the protagonists' mother and Paris Hilton, both of whom are humans, which is considered bestiality, and therefore gives off a clear implication that the Cat himself is a zoophile.
      • He uses profanity-laden puns, most notably in the scene where he shows his car in which he calls it the "Super Hydraulic Instantaneous Transporter" (S.H.I.T.) before he changed its name to "Super Luxurious Omnidirectional Whatchamajigger (a.k.a. the S.L.O.W.)" to prevent Conrad from saying the acronym of the previous name.
      • His infamous "Dirty hoe!" line. (Which is slang for you-know-what)
    3. He has a very creepy makeup design compared to Jim Carrey's makeup as the Grinch. Despite how he seems faithful to the Cat's appearance in the original book, he doesn’t even look like a cat; instead, he looks more like a giant skunk. As Evilina from The Nostalgia Critic pointed out, it's as if what happens when "Pepe Le Pew makes a whoopie with Ronald McDonald."
    4. Similar to Mr. Freeze from Batman & Robin, he has a very annoying laugh, which he uses over and over again as a cheap and poor attempt at comedy.
    5. He is also incredibly gross, as he often indulges in potty-related jokes and puns (all of which are barely even funny):
      • He tells Conrad and Sally not to listen to the Fish because he "drinks where he pees."
        • Speaking of the "drinks where he pees" line, he threw the Fish in the toilet when he was on the ceiling.
      • He, after drinking a bottle of milk, claims it's gonna "come back to haunt him" and his stomach gets big, implying the milk will give him diarrhea before burping out many hairballs.
      • He dresses up as a stereotypical redneck trucker, shows his human butt, and farts at the audience.
      • When the Cat in the Hat has a cupcake mixture on his finger, he tries to get a disgusted Sally and Conrad to eat it, implying that the Cat has a booger on his finger.
    6. He doesn't show any remorse or regret for all the troubles he has caused throughout the film until the end.
    7. Because of all these reasons as mentioned above, the Cat in the film comes off as more of a villainous "Bugs Bunny-ish" trickster who wants to make jokes about anything and cause mayhem where ever he goes instead of being a hero.
    8. He sucks at speaking in rhyme, which is unfitting, ridiculous, and of course, unacceptable since his original book counterpart could speak in rhyme.
      • Though to be fair, the animated versions of the Cat occasionally do speak without rhyming, like in the 1971 animated special and The Cat in the Hat Knows a Lot About That!.
    9. He often has bad eye contact with most of the characters he interacts with, especially Conrad and Sally, since most of the time he doesn't even look at the kids when talking to them, and he's more interested in telling bad jokes and winking to the camera than actually interacting with the kids.
    10. Hypocrisy: In one scene from the movie, he says "That's disgusting!", when he is shown to be gross, as mentioned in WHFF#5.
    11. Mike Myers didn't do a very good job playing as the Cat, and just like Terl from Battlefield Earth (another critically panned film based on a book), he tends to overact and makes it look like he's gonna pass out and behaves like he's restricted to behaving in a normal way.
      • This is the main reason why the film was panned by critics and audiences alike. Because the film didn't do very well at the box office, it caused Dr. Seuss' widow Audrey Geisel to permanently ban any further live-action film adaptations of Dr. Seuss' works.
      • It also doesn't help that Mike Myers only starred in the film because the writers blackmailed him into doing so because the executives sued him for backing out of a planned film based on his own Saturday Night Live project Sprockets.
    12. Overall, this live-action incarnation of the character takes his biggest problem from season 2 of The Wubbulous World of Dr. Seuss (not acting like his book counterpart) and makes it even worse, though while this isn't saying much, the Cat in that season of the show is better than the movie Cat since at least he isn't a sadistic jerk and is much friendlier.

    Redeeming Qualities

    1. He at least got some bits of karma when he got hit on the crotch, followed by the scene where the kids scolded him for his actions.
    2. Just like Terl from Battlefield Earth, he was a much better character in the book series, the other versions, the 1971 animated film, etc., and at least he did redeem himself near the end by completely fixing his mess in the house using a cleaning machine with some great music from Smash Mouth accompanying it before Conrad and Sally's mother got home.
      • In the video game based on the movie, he's significantly less annoying and more tolerable. Not to mention there are no innuendos in his dialogue, too.
      • His next incarnation, The Cat in the Hat Knows A Lot About That!, massively reverted himself back to his original personality and is likable.
    3. He can be a bit funny in a few scenes, such as the Cupcake-Inator scene and his lines, "Honey, it was ruined when she bought it" and "Rhode Island license plate! You never see those".
    4. He does rhyme a few times, especially when he introduces the kids to Thing 1 and Thing 2.
    5. The Cat's actions towards Conrad and Sally are somewhat justified if you hang on to the theory that he was just a well-meaning mentor who was helping them understand their limits about having fun, knowing that the destruction he was causing would help them learn their lessons and become better children.
    6. He admits that he didn't even plan on cutting off his tail, meaning that he does regret it.
    7. He does have good eye contact with Sally and Conrad in some scenes.
      • At least him having bad eye contact with Sally and Conrad and his poor acting are rather justified, since Mike Myers hated working on the movie.
    8. While Mike Myers didn't do a very good job portraying him as mentioned above, at least Chris Edgerly does a great job voicing him in the video game.
    9. While his makeup is creepish, at least it at least faithful to The Cat in the Hat and his other incarnations' design, even if this isn't saying much.


    • The Cat later became the subject of internet memes - a notable example of such a meme would be the scene of him holding a baseball bat.
    • Mike Myers recently admitted to hating the movie and he regretted playing the role in said film.
    • The portrayal of The Cat in this film is one of the reasons why Dr. Seuss’ widow, Audrey Geisel forbade Hollywood from making any more live-action adaptations of her husband’s work.
    • Before Mike Myers was cast, Tim Allen was initially cast but backed out due to scheduling conflicts with The Santa Clause 2.


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