New Warriors (2020-present)

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New Warriors (2020-present)
New Warriors.jpg
They are warriors, but nothing new.
Gender: Male, Female
Type: Cringey Internet Slang Personified
Species: Humans
Status: Alive
Media of origin: Marvel Comics


The New Warriors are a superhero team in Marvel Comics. They traditionally consisted of teenage and young adult heroes, and were often seen to serve as a junior counterpart to The Avengers in much the same way that the New Mutants/X-Force did with the X-Men.

This article will be focused on the 6th team.

Why They Suck

  1. Despite not being released yet, the team is already completely ridiculous.
  2. They're all named after outdated internet slang; Screentime, Snowflake, Safespace, B-Negative and Trailblazer.
    • Trailblazer doesn't even make sense as she doesn't have super speed, she just has god powered backpack that's a portal to time and space which she can pull stuff out of.
  3. Despite the fact they're supposed to be teenagers, Snowflake and Trailblazer look like they're in their early to mid 40s while Safespace and Screentime look like they're in their 30s.
  4. Trailblazer is supposed to be a Native American girl yet she looks like a Splatoon character.
  5. Snowflake and Safespace look very similar to one another and their personalities are very poorly conveyed.
  6. Snowflake’s powers are a rip-off of Iceman as they can manipulate ice and Safespace’s powers are ripoff of Steven’s powers from Steven Universe as he can summon a holographic shield and bubble.
  7. A lot of Snowflake and Safespace’s promo artwork heavily imply they have a romantic relationship despite the fact they are twin siblings. This is incest.
  8. B-Negative is heavily derived from Netflix's Hordak but manages to look even worse than that character.
  9. B-Negative is already a ripoff of Morbius and his backstory states he got blood from Morbius when he was a newborn. Which is out of character for Morbius, he would not save a dying baby. Which all the more makes his backstory nonsensical.
  10. Screentime’s backstory is the most ridiculous out of them all. Firstly, concept of "internet gas" is just outright stupid. Secondly, his backstory makes no sense, why would his grandpa give him “internet gas” unless he’s unethical scientist because using his grandson as a lab rat is very inhumane.
  11. Not to mention, Screentime’s powers are very dull, stupid, and useless, he can “Google” things in a nanosecond, search up maps, see virtual reality, and is connected to the internet. Anyone with a smartphone can do that, even if he operates faster than a smartphone. It’s also stated that he’s “inside the internet”, wouldn’t gravely impact his mental health and overall well-being as a person? The internet is not the greatest place in the world, there’s cyber bullying, SJWs, disturbing content, viruses, malware, pornography, fetish art and fanfics, pedophiles, catfishers, and graphic and gruesome videos and images such as very horrific rare diseases, gruesome injuries, etc. Given he’s a teenager, it might scar him for life to reach the dark web. Also, how is internet powers useful in fighting crime besides being able to track down the villain and learn more about them by googling them? He also has to be connected at all times, he’s useless if he’s somewhere with no Wi-Fi like out in the middle of a desert or a forest.

Redeeming Qualities

  1. Some of them, such as Screentime have good designs or have the potential to have better designs.
  2. If the New Warriors were reworked, they would have potential to be good superheroes. (If Marvel spent more time on them)
  3. Their debut as of now has not been released, likely due to fan backlash and the COVID-19 pandemic. Although the status is “missing in action”, Marvel has not moved forward so it’s likely the New Warriors are being revised behind the scenes or it silently got cancelled.

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