Myles Standish (Free Birds)

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Myles Standish (Free Birds)
Captain Myles Standish.jpg
"I said I would get you turkeys."
Gender: Male
Type: Myles Standish in Name Only
Species: Human
Portrayed by: Colm Meaney
Status: Deceased
Media of origin: Free Birds


Myles Standish is the main villain of the movie, Free Birds. He's based on a real life English soldier, but in the movie he's a hunter whose primary goal is to kill the turkeys for food.

Why He Sucks

  1. He's mostly unfaithful to his real-life self as he was a stereotypical hunter who wants to hunt down turkeys which is inaccurate since he was a military officer and farmer hired by the Pilgrims to serve as the military adviser for Plymouth yet this movie somehow made him a weak villain that felt like he should be in Red Dead Redemption or a historical parody from an adult cartoon series rather than a villain in the 16th century, even the 1993 Animaniacs episode, Turkey Jerky, done a better portrayal of Myles Standish as a hunter while staying true to his historical self than this villain has to offer.
  2. He's mostly a rip-off of Shaw from Open Season and Franklin Bean from Fantastic Mr. Fox since the three are hunters who hunt down animals for reasons, while Shaw and Bean have valid reasons why they wanted to hunt the animal protagonists (the former is for hunting season and the latter and his men for Mr. Fox stealing their food from their factories), Myles hunts turkeys down to feed his hungry village for the first Thanksgiving feast.
  3. He's a total jerk towards Governor Bradfor when his plans always failed to the point of threatening him to get every single last turkey.
  4. Idiot Moves: He and his troops were about to kill the turkeys with cannonballs which were thankfully stopped by a wormhole that opens in the sky (which was later revealed to be Reggie and Steve), he jumps onto a cannonball to try and shoot Jenny and the turkeys, but hits the wagon where he sleeps instead, resulting in getting sucked in a wormhole.
  5. He barely receives any character development, at all unlike his historical self.
  6. His design looks very ugly and creepy, he looks like John Marston from Red Dead Redemption as well as Lemmy from Motörhead. In fact, he creepily sleeps with his eyes open in front of three turkeys during their mission.
  7. Not only he's inaccurate to his real historical self (as mentioned earlier), but he's also horribly written. The only reason why he is evil is that he wants to hunt down turkeys for food, which is something normal hunters would do to survive, and he tries so hard to sound evil but comes off extremely forced-in and childish, coming off as a Generic doomsday villain who isn't an actual threat expect the Native American turkeys.
  8. Despite being the main antagonist, he doesn't get enough screen time as much as the turkeys in 1621 since he first appears after the first 25 minutes into the film and mostly focuses on Reggie and Jake interacting with the Native American turkeys (especially Jenny and Ranger).
  9. He tried to commit animal cruelty to the turkeys a few times, like where he throws gunpowder at Steve which revealed Reggie and Jenny hiding it due to the gunpowder corrupting Steve and tried to shot them until Steve blasts of into space, thinking that the time machine's magic.
  10. He was responsible for burning the turkeys' colony into flames, capturing almost all of them, and Jenny and Ranger's father, Chief Boardbeak's death in the fire, causing the turkeys to fight back the hunters for their freedom when Jenny becomes chief.

Redeeming Qualities

  1. Despite being stupid, Myles got his comeuppance before dying by getting sucked in a wormhole.
  2. Colm Meaney does a great job voicing him.
  3. But, Mommy! I don't want to wear short pants! No... (snores).

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