Crash (Crash & Bernstein)

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"FAIRY GODPARENTS!'" — Denzel Crocker

This is a good article.


Crash
Crash from CRASH AND BERNSTEIN.jpg
“Face slam!”
Gender: Male
Type: Hilarious, Unpredictable but an On & Off Egomaniacal, Immature, Idiotic Nutcase
Age: Unknown
Species: Puppet
Portrayed by: Tim Lagasse
Status: Alive
Media of origin: Crash and Bernstein


"🎵Yo, I'ma let you finish but, ding dong!
Who’s that?
Yo, it's Crash at the door
Don't wait for you to open kick it down
Hardcore!
I’m purple with a 'tude
Where your mom hide the food?
In the fridge
I'ma eat it
Then we tear it up, dude
No makeup or feelings
Tea parties or dolls
Now it's ninjas and football
And face slams!🎵
"
Crash and Bernstein intro


Crash is the titular protagonist of Crash & Bernstein. He is a whatnot and living puppet with many interesting abilities such as eating sandwiches the size of basketballs and eating a watermelon with a straw, and he comes with ninja weapons, such as ninja swords and a small cannon.

Crash was created by Wyatt Bernstein and then came to life. He is an extreme, crazy, loud, and daredevil-ish puppet. Crash, apparently becomes Wyatt's adoptive brother. He is not very bright and often harms himself in the process. Crash also bathes in the toilet because he doesn't like going in public pools because of what kids do in there. Crash "face slams" people that he loves, especially Wyatt as it is when Crash slams his head into the other person's head. Crash uses himself as a basketball. Crash can't spell, milkshakes go right through him. His eyes were the inspiration for ping pong balls, as said in a promo. Crash watches a lot of telenovelas and wrestling.

Bad Qualities

  1. To write down the first problem about him, he's a complete rip-off of Walter from The Muppets.
    • Not only because of looking a bit similar to him, but it comes from how they both have a similar premise of them being naive puppets who interact with the world around them and learning things about their lives in adventurous ways.
  2. He often tends to cause destruction in a clumsy and chaotic manner due to his recklessly immature antics and it can get annoying or unfunny at times. Especially when he tends to terrorize Bernstein's family and is constantly causing trouble because of his sheer hyperactivity.
    • In the episode "Merry Crashenfest", there was a cutaway gag when it was Hanukkah, Crash somehow made a menorah rocket for whatever reason.
  3. He's often seen making fun of Pesto in an attempt to have Bernstein all to himself, even when in some cases he acts like a complete jerk to Bernstein.
    • Sometimes he does stupid things that'd irritate Pesto for no reason, like the episode "Motorcycle Crash" when he hops onto Pesto's seat and tries distracting him by covering his eyes to tell Pesto that "a good driver trusts his instincts" which makes him lose, and Crash says that Pesto has 'terrible instincts', which is just rude and demeaning.
  4. He has no character development since he only has one motive for breaking stuff (as his name implies), and rarely gets to have a serious moment with Wyatt. Not to mention, the number of crimes he commits, and he doesn't even learn his lesson from his actions most of the time.
  5. Speaking of which, while he is the protagonist, his stupidity and childishness can make him out to be a bizarre antagonist/anti-hero sometimes, best examples of these are seen in "Crash vs. Flex" and "Like Father, Like Purple".
  6. There are episodes where he can do some obliviously rude, insensitive, problematic, and messed up things, these include:
    • Crash Lands: He immediately committed his first act by destroying a bunch of the antiques, and in the same episode he tore down a wall in the apartment.
    • Scaredy Crash: He constantly makes fun of Bernstein's fear of bugs and even tried to cure him by putting bugs on him, which just made it worse.
    • Coach Crash: When he became a coach, he overworked the boys' basketball team, even when they said they were tired he still made them exercise and he didn't have any remorse until they fired him.
    • Crash Ask Too Many Questions: He asks Cassie stupid questions, which causes her to get fired since she had a ton of frustrated anger due to this. The writers would have at least had him zipping Crash's mouth or tied him on the chair as a form of punishment.
    • Like Father, Like Purple: He was stupidly clingy, childish, and egotistical about Wyatt being attached to his father by being hostile to him, even when Crash should know better than to get competitive and jealous with Wyatt's biological father. When he caused the episode's problem, he vandalizes the school by bursting through a wall by using a mechanical bull to meet up with Wyatt in his class. All for "helping" Wyatt with his school project, he then got the misguided idea to destroy everyone's bridges because of Wyatt's dad unintentionally breaking someone's bridge by accident.
    • Escape from Bigfoot Island: He left someone stranded on an island for no good reason.
  7. He can be so incredibly moronic and screwy, he says and does some bizarre things that no sane person would do, whether it's done comically or not. His idiocy can be the source of the episode's problem, to begin with.
    • In the episode "Crash Jacked", Wyatt tells Cleo how often he is so distracted and scatterbrained with his acts of stupidity, that he gets himself lost or stuck in places more often than not.
    • Following the previous example, Crash's acts of lunacy seem to imply something more about his dumb personality that is never explained. In the episode "Crashus Maximus", he thought it was a good idea to go outside with a sword to "stab" lightening on an impulse when Bernstein warned him of the consequences. Which Crash being electrocuted led to showing the quirky personas he has as his lineup of alter egos that give him different personalities at random.
    • In the episode "Crash Ask Too Many Questions", he asks the stupidest questions to Cassie as mentioned above, even to the point of laughing about Cassie mixing the words "dog" and "poo" together. Also, these questions led to Cassie being fired because of her pure frustration with Crash's idiotic questions (as mentioned before).
    • In the episode "Trash & Bernstein", he found a giant magnet he calls a "candy horseshoe", where Bernstein thought to warn Crash and blatantly said how Crash would eat the magnet anyway, Crash says "am not" and does it anyway. This leads to Crash being humorously attacked by any metallic object.
  8. Despite having a certain field of knowledge he has about the world to the extent of knowing it automatically, he still acts like a naive person who doesn't know what germs are or what lightning is, making him seem weirdly written.
  9. Following from a pointer described in BQ#6, him being electrocuted to the point that his alter ego would change on a whim by the sound of lightning, all of his alternative personality traits seem like Crash has some sort of vague hinting of Bipolar disorder and possibly multi-personality disorder, the former would explain where Crash's levels of insanity come from.
  10. Speaking of his silly antics, they can be somewhat misleading and dangerous for young viewers to think that it is safe to face slam into each other's foreheads. This was carried to the point where Disney XD had to put countless disclaimers in every episode to remind kids to not do what Crash is capable of since he had a bad Jeffy and Peppa Pig case of having kids repeating the same things that Crash would do on-screen like his traditional face slam for example.
  11. Much like Wild Woody, he can be annoying with his crazed behavior, over-the-top actions, and his loud voice.
  12. He has the personality traits of the aforementioned Wild Woody, Patrick Star from SpongeBob SquarePants, Wayne Cramp from The Cramp Twins, Gelatin from Battle for Dream Island, Stimpy from Ren & Stimpy, Rodney J. Squirrel from Squirrel Boy, Crumbles from Doodle Toons and Bloo from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends in a nutshell, except with little to none of the charm and likability those aforementioned characters had, hence making him a bit clichéd somehow. He's basically the generic "I'm gonna save the day" type of protagonist with nothing else unique about him aside from being a wacky goofball who's kind of a jerk, hence the explanation.
  13. Gross-out behavior: He can do some disgusting things for the sake of gross-out humor.
    • This includes him belching a lot, spinning around in a toilet while it's flushed, having garbage poured on him in the episode "Trash and Bernstein" (which is an episode that further shows how passionate Crash is with loving actual garbage or anything crude), blowing his nose on Wyatt's poster in "Action Zero", was seen chewing on an old lady's toenails in the episode "Man Crash", making snacks by filling his mouth with swiss cheese and spitting them onto crackers in the episode "Frat Chance", digging through his butt to get a dream-catcher he got for Bernstein in the episode "Undercover Crash" (right after pulling an object out of his ear which he stole from a craft's fair no-less), and the list goes on.
      • Not to mention that in the episode "Merry Crashenfest", where Bernstein was gonna say that his family doesn't celebrate Christmas, Crash impulsively thinks he knows what was said, and then he told him that he swallowed 73 pounds of Christmas lights and puked it onto a Christmas tree as his way to have the tree "ridiculously overdecorated". He fires an ornament he also swallowed at Bernstein for whatever reason.
  14. While his voice isn't bad, it is rather out-of-place and doesn't fit his character as a teenager, especially compared to other characters like Sonic the Hedgehog or The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He more likely sounds like a middle-aged man than a preteen.
  15. In the Pranksgiving series, while his pranks can be very entertaining, he is always a Karma Houdini type of prankster that never gets pranked by anyone else.
  16. He can be a bit of a hypocrite sometimes, mainly because of poor writing.
    • In "Crashington", he says that Wyatt's sisters are 'disgusting', when there is an episode called "Trash and Bernstein" that is dedicated to how much Crash loves his trash by having it poured onto him/etc (to the point of making his very own song called "I'm A Junkman").
    • In "Coach Crash", he comedically roasts the dorky coach by saying “I've seen better plays in a kindergarten theater class!” and “Ah, you couldn't coach the side of a barn!”, even when Crash never went to school as it was established in "Educating Crash", and it is implausible that he knows anything about a barn.
    • In "Action Zero", Crash acts cocky and tells Wyatt that he's "living in a fantasy world" after Wyatt revealed what actually happened when Bernstein was letting Crash win in arm-wrestling, which not only makes him hypocritical since there are countless moments (including this one) where he is in his own world in actuality, but it also makes him seem pretty delusional as well.

Good Qualities

  1. He has plenty of funny moments.
  2. His goofy, wild & whimsical antics are very entertaining and hilarious to watch.
    • While he is a Karma Houdini in the Pranksgiving series, his pranks in said series are very entertaining. Especially for the way he interacts with many Disney XD actors from multiple shows that were popular for the time.
  3. He may act extremely dumb, absent-minded, immature, and crazy, but he has moments of showing talent. Like how his bizarre abilities and his off-the-wall silliness can be useful and sometimes resourceful, depending on the episode.
    • In "Trash and Bernstein", he was able to stack cups in a fast way even when in the replay, he somehow learned it slowly to do so despite doing it in a speedy way.
    • In "Crash Jacked", his stupidity allows him to have fun with typical situations he can't take seriously as seen in "Crash On The Run". Examples of this include the episode "Crash Jacked" with how he revealed to Bernstein that the Slapper had him held hostage and was basically having fun with pretending to be a dramatic hostage in a rather entertaining way.
  4. Tim Lagasse does a great job at voicing him and portraying the character despite sounding way too mature for a teenager.
    • He also did an amazing job at puppeteering him since Crash can be very expressive (often comedically), his face when he is mad for example.
  5. Despite being weirdly written as a character, he does have some good quotes and one-liners, such as:
    • “We're all out of Grizzly Flakes! Grizzly Flakes! NOOOO!! Why?! Why?! Why?!”
    • “Hey Jake MaPhony!! I'm in your lair! I left you a present, you can't see it but you can smell it!! Oh, I guess you can see it... I'm talking to you 'jerk real pony! I challenge you to a smash down! No gloves! No helmet, just my orthopedic insoles! I have black feet!!!”
    • “Oh I got a cramp in my goallooklike! That's what a goal looks like!”
    • “Hey Bernstein, would it be fun if we dropped a water balloon on your mom? Oh goodie then we can do it!”
    • “Bernstein! Bernstein! I just had the craziest- wait! I'm not falling for that again! Mustache attack!!”
    • “I'm a spiral!”
    • “I'm science!”
    • “I'm the bait!”
    • “I said! A shot of wheatgrass! Are you threatening me?? Are you threatening me? If you're feeling froggy just jump girl!”
    • “You want a piece of me? Cause I do come apart!”
    • “Hey, you want a piece of me pal? I will mess up your world!!”
    • “Why aren't pancakes a fruit?”
    • “I'm sorry this isn't working for me... I mean who wrote this? What's my motivation?? When's lunch?”
    • “Uh Wyatt, I'm pretty sure it is. I got an H in Geography.”
    • “You are going down Fisher! I hope you're hungry for some, purple, fist!!!”
    • “I am NOT a side-kick! This, is a side-kick! And now here's Susie with the weather, hey Bernstein!! I'm on the radio!!!”
    • “I'm Crash, and this is my life!”
  6. He's not really evil, but his stupidity often blinds him to his actions and eventually backfires. His immaturity aside, he is a very chill guy who wants to have fun.
  7. Even though Crash never learns his lesson in most episodes, he usually gets punished as he gets hurt a lot usually after doing something bad, stupid, or for his mere existence. He can occasionally learn from his mistakes and can have some insight out of his sheer moronitude.
  8. While he acts like an annoying imbecile most of the time, Crash's goofiest moments and his awesome moments are enjoyably off-the-wall, hilarious, and entertaining at the same time.
    • Despite how irritating he can get, he can be viewed as somewhat likable for being a mostly well-meaning friend to Wyatt (in spite of Crash's stupidity), especially for how much Crash more often than not brightens up Wyatt, intentionally or not. Not to mention that he can be an occasionally empathetic character towards others at times.

Videos

Trivia

  • Crash hosted a public service announcement in all episodes (including subsequent airings of the first episode) where he says the following words: "I am made of cloth and stuffing. All the wild and crazy awesome things I do on the show cannot hurt me or anyone else. You, however, are not made of cloth and stuffing. So keep it real and leave all the mayhem and face-slamming to me. Rock on."
  • He was the mascot of Disney XD, until he was replaced by Future-Worm!
  • In Disney XD's Pranksgiving, he pranks Randy Cunningham by replacing his Ninja Balls with Crash's Prank Ninja Ball to prank him in Norrisville High.
  • This is currently the eighth longest page on this wiki.

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