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    Alessi (JoJo's Bizarre Adventure)

    "Don't let your kids watch it!" - Robbie Rotten

    This article contains potentially sensitive content that may be discomforting or upsetting to certain users. Reader discretion is advised!

    Reason: Contains depictions of child abuse.

    Alessi
    "Attaboy..."
    Gender: Male
    Type: Disgusting Filler Villain
    Age: 38
    Species: Human
    Portrayed by: Masaya Onosaka (Japanese)
    Jon Allen (English)
    Status: Launched into the skies
    Media of origin: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders


    Alessi is a minor antagonist in JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders. He was one of DIO's mercenaries and a member of the Egypt 9 Glory Gods; he wields the Stand known as Sethan, which represents one of the nine Egyptian gods of prosperity.

    In Japanese, he was voiced by Tsutomu Tareki in JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Heritage for the Future and by Masaya Onosaka in the anime. In the latter's English dub, he was voiced by Jon Allen.

    Why He Is Not Nice to Children

    1. He, along with the other members of the 9 Egyptian Gods, are just another pointless villain's minion that's just an obstacle for the main characters. You can take him out and the plot will remain unaffected.
    2. Alessi's personality is just as flat as you would expect. A dimwitted cowardly child abuser that easily gets outsmarted.
    3. He takes extreme pleasure when it comes to picking on other people who are weaker than him, even children for no reason other than being able to kill them.
    4. His design is just bizarre for JoJo standards.
    5. His facial expressions look disgusting. Especially when he's talking to Polnareff.
    6. Take note that he was easily duped by Polnareff (who was turned into a child at the time), who let his guard down after his poop flew onto his face.
    7. Alessi's lack of intellect is more irritating than amusing and funny.
    8. Alessi's humiliating fate was also anticlimactic: After getting beaten by kid Jotaro, he and Polnareff have become adults towards an unarmed Alessi, and finished him off by launching him into the sky.
    9. To think DIO would be furious at him and his other minions for failing to defeat Jotaro and his team, but no, he is just forgotten at the end. Proving that Alessi barely shows any relevance to the main story.
    10. Even though the Alessi ending in the JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Heritage of the Future video game isn't canon, it was nonsensical that he was actually able to defeat the main heroes alongside Vanilla Ice and DIO (especially when DIO was much stronger even before taking Jonathan Joestar's torso after the former's death) without breaking a sweat, and his accomplishment for taking over the world by turning everyone into children and stealing every pockets of money was just a lame motivation for a villain.

    Redeeming Qualities

    1. His stand, Sethan, is unique since its abilities can make other people younger by touching their shadows. Too bad the stand user was poorly executed.
    2. Even when he only attacks children due to the obvious advantages, at least he was at his most competent state when he fought Polnareff (albeit Polnareff was affected by Sethan at the time).
    3. Both Masaya Onosaka and Jon Allen do a decent job voicing him here.

    Trivia

    • Him cutting down through a door with an axe refers to Jack Torrance's iconic "Here's Johnny!" scene from Stephen King's The Shining.
    • His namesake is the Alessi Brothers, an American pop duo.

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