The Cat in the Hat (live-action)

The Cat in the Hat is the titular character of the 2003 live-action film of the same name. He is played by Mike Myers who also played Wayne Campbell, Austin Powers and Shrek, all are much better characters.

Why He Sucks

 * 1) He is an incredibly poor representation of Dr. Seuss' best known character of all time, as here in this film he is portrayed the complete opposite to how he was portrayed in the original source material; In the book, he was kind, refined, funny, goofy, well-meaning and while he was a bit of a nuisance, he was never a legitimate threat. In the film however, he is mean, crude, unfunny, harsh, malicious, cold-hearted, obnoxious and a genuinely sadistic threat.
 * 2) He is very vile and sadistic.
 * 3) He says and/or does some pretty unsuitable and improper things that would practically make Dr. Seuss roll in his grave. For instance he said "Son of a BI---" meaning that he swore, except that part was edited during production. Yes, this is not a joke.
 * 4) * He also uses profanity-laden puns, such as when he shows his car in which he calls it the "Super Hydraulic Instantaneous Transporter" (S.H.I.T) before he changed its name to "Super Luxurious Omnidirectional Whatchamajigger a.k.a. the S.L.O.W." to prevent Conrad from saying the acronym of the previous name.
 * 5) * His infamous "Dirty hoe!" line.
 * 6) He has a very creepy character design, as he looks like something from a It clown horror movie.
 * 7) * In particular, the costume design for The Cat doesn’t not even look like a cat; instead it looks more like a giant skunk.
 * 8) He has a very annoying laugh, one he uses over and over again as a poor attempt at comedy.
 * 9) He mocks Larry for being allergic to him and then he proceeds to push him off a cliff and he literally stands there and does nothing but smile when Sally and Conrad find the crate open and the former almost gets sucked in. To add insult to injury, when the house collapses and falls apart after Conrad locks the crate, The Cat laughs sadistically, brags that he ‘did it’ (before changing it to we did it after seeing the looks on Conrad and Sally’s faces).
 * 10) He is incredibly selfish as he doesn't care of anybody except for himself, such as when the Cat wants to cut his losses and ditch the kids, even though he knew the kids would suffer at the hands of Larry. Another example of this ignorance is shown when Thing 1 and Thing 2 are messing up the house, he admits that he would be furious if it where his house, then proceeds to laugh.
 * 11) He taunts the kids he's trying to "help".
 * 12) He lusts over a picture of the protagonists' mother at one point, which technically makes him a zoophile, which is disturbing, bestiality, and inappropriate for children.
 * 13) * He even lusts at Paris Hilton, who makes an out-of-place cameo in this film dancing in a club.
 * 14) He is also incredibly gross, as he often indulges in toilet-related jokes and puns (all which are barely even funny);
 * 15) * He tells Conrad and Sally not to listen to the fish because he drinks his own pee.
 * 16) * He, after drinking a bottle of milk, claims it's gonna comeback to haunt him and his stomach gets big, implying the milk will give him diarrhea.
 * 17) * He dresses up as a stereotypical redneck trucker, shows his butt, and farts at the audience.
 * 18) * When the Cat has cupcake mixture on his finger, he tries to get Sally and Conrad to eat it, implying that the Cat has a booger on his finger.
 * 19) He flat-out admits he planned the whole day (minus chopping his tail), including Sally and Conrad almost being killed!
 * 20) He never shows any remorse or regret for all the chaos he causes throughout the film, at least until the ending.
 * 21) Because of all these reasons as mentioned above, the Cat's portrayal comes off more like a villain than a hero.
 * 22) Mike Myers did an incredibly awful job portraying him and is seriously miscast, given that he only did the movie because he was legally and contractually obliged to do so by Universal executives.

Redeeming Qualities

 * 1) He got a taste of his own medicine when he got hit on the crotch and when Sally and Conrad scolded him for what he did.
 * 2) He at least did redeem himself near the end by helping Sally and Conrad fix his mess in the house before their mother came home.
 * 3) He can be a bit funny in a few scenes.

Trivia

 * It later became an Internet meme, as pictured above.

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