Jessica Gordon

Jessica Gordon is a popular girl of Jerome Horwitz Elementary School and a supporting character in The Epic Tales of Captain Underpants.

Why She Sucks

 * 1) She's little more than a stereotypical Mean Popular Girl who's obsessed with her locks and only thinks about herself.
 * 2) She has a girl posse consisting of "Sophie One" and "Other Sophie", and she regularly mistreats Other Sophie. Almost every moment the latter's onscreen, she's being pushed around, assigned a task, or insulted by Jessica. On top of that, she makes a rule that the Sophies aren't allowed to speak. As for Sophie One, she gets little to absolutely no jobs at all and is always complimented. It happens all too often to label them all, but the worst example would have to be during a flashback in Season 3, where she, the only one who showed up at Other Sophie's Birthday Party, left almost immediately and '''took all her presents while she was at it!
 * 3) Her voice and "hars" are so irritating, they might actually surpass Mr. Meaner's "yep-yep-yep"-ing verbal tic.
 * 4) She's also incredibly stupid, as she actually mistook a ground sloth for Other Sophie during their time in Ecuador in Season 2.
 * 5) And the, there's "The Bizarre Blitzkrieg of the Bothersome Butt-erflies", where she's arguably at her absolute worst. As the butt-erflies invade the school, her number-one priority is protecting her HAR! Not only that, but she immediately accuses Melvin for creating them with no real proof, and when George and Harold try to admit to their mistake and het everyone to work together, she doubts them because "they don't do science, they do comics". And when they make a comic to try and tell her that they created the butt-erflies and not Melvin, what does she do? Believe them now that they're doing what "they do" and telling her the truth? NO! INSTEAD, she continue to accuse Melvin, along with George and Harold and orders the other students to help her '''throw them out of the safety of the cafeteria to be EATEN BY THE BUTT-ERFLIES!!!!!!
 * 6) And after she and the other students do that, what do George and Harold do? '''GO BACK TO THE CAFETERIA TO SAVE THEM!!!!!! MEANING THEY NEVER LEARNED A THING OR GOT ANY CONSEQUENCE FOR NEARLY COMMITTING MURDER!!!!!!!
 * 7) "The Shocking Showdown of the Staggering Sugamechanger" shows that her mother also uses the Sophies' mothers as her personal servants. So she was given their children by her mother and ALLOWED TO USE THEM AS HER PERSONAL SLAVES?!
 * 8) She gets absolutely no character development whatsoever.
 * 9) Her hairstyle is incredibly unrealistic. I mean, how can she get her hair to be that big, let alone walk around with it everyday like it's no big deal.

Redeeming Qualities

 * 1) She is still a part of the M.I.S.F.A.R.T.S. and helps George and Harold whenever they need it.
 * 2) While she did throw George, Harold and Melvin out of the cafeteria to be eaten by the butt-erflies, the other students just went along with it, so technically, they're just as guilty. But that still doesn't let her off the hook. Same for when they mistook a ground sloth for other Sophie.
 * 3) In episode "The Flustering Mindless Woe of the Flushable Memory Wipes", after succumbing to the effects of the memory wipes, she and posses become involved in protecting the whales, and end up ditching school to protect them from whale hunters. But this could only be because she had her memory erased.

Trivia

 * She shares her voice actress with Dressy Killman.
 * She's the first student to be turned into a Monster of the Week.