Seymour Skinner (seasons 9-30)

Chalmers: Well, Seymour, I made it- despite your directions.

Principal Skinner: Ah. Superintendent Chalmers. Welcome. - I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.

Chalmers: Yeah.

Principal Skinner: Oh, egads! My roast is ruined. But what if I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Delightfully devilish, Seymour.

Singers: Ah- Skinner with his crazy explanations The superintendent's gonna need his medication When he hears Skinner's lame exaggerations There'll be trouble in town tonight!

Chalmers: Seymour!

Principal Skinner: Superintendent, I was just- uh, just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise. Care to join me?

Chalmers: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?

Principal Skinner: Uh- Oh. That isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmm. Steamed clams.

Principal Skinner: Whew. Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers.

Chalmers: I thought we were having steamed clams.

Principal Skinner: D'oh, no. I said steamed hams. That's what I call hamburgers.

Chalmers: You call hamburgers steamed hams?

Principal Skinner: Yes. It's a regional dialect.

Chalmers: Uh-huh. Uh, what region?

Principal Skinner: Uh, upstate New York.

Chalmers: Really. Well, I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed hams."

Principal Skinner: Oh, not in Utica. No. It's an Albany expression.

Chalmers: I see. You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.

Principal Skinner: Oh, no. Patented Skinner burgers. Old family recipe.

Chalmers: For steamed hams.

Principal Skinner: Yes.

Chalmers: Yes. And you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.

Principal Skinner: Ye- You know, the- One thing I should- - Excuse me for one second.

Chalmers: Of course.

Principal Skinner: Oh well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped.

Chalmers: Yes. I should be- Good Lord! What is happening in there?

Principal Skinner: Aurora borealis.

Chalmers: Uh- Aurora borealis at this time of year at this time of day in this part of the country localized entirely within your kitchen?

Principal Skinner: Yes.

Chalmers: May I see it?

Principal Skinner: No.

Skinner's Mother: Seymour! The house is on fire!

Principal Skinner: No, Mother. It's just the northern lights.

Chalmers: Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow but I must say you steam a good ham.

Skinner's Mother: Help! Help!