Alessi (JoJo's Bizarre Adventure)

Alessi is a minor antagonist in JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders. He was one of DIO's mercenaries and a member of the Egypt 9 Glory Gods, he wields the Stand known as Sethan, which represents one of the nine Egyptian gods of prosperity.

In Japanese, he was voiced by Tsutomu Tareki in JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Heritage for the Future and by Masaya Onosaka in the anime. In the latter's English dub, he was voiced by Jon Allen.

Why He Sucks

 * 1) He's just another pointless villain's minion that's just an obstacle for the main characters. You can take him out and the plot will remain unaffected.
 * 2) Alessi's personality is just as flat as you would expect. A dimwitted cowardly child abuser that easily gets outsmarted.
 * 3) He takes extreme pleasure when it comes to picking on other people who are weaker than him, even children for no reason other than being able to kill them.
 * 4) His design is just ugly in JoJo standards.
 * 5) His facial expressions can look disgusting. Even when he's talking to children, Alessi looks like a pedophile.
 * 6) Take note that he was easily duped by Polnareff (who was turned into a child at the time), who let his guard down after his poop flew onto his face.
 * 7) Alessi's fate was also anticlimactic: After getting beaten by kid Jotaro, him and Polnareff has become adults towards an unarmed Alessi, and finished him off by launching him into the sky.
 * 8) To think DIO would be furious at him and his other minions for failing to defeat Jotaro and his team, but no, he is just forgotten at the end. Proving that Alessi barely shows any relevance to the main story.

Redeeming Qualities

 * 1) His stand, Sethan is actually unique since its abilities can make other people younger by touching their shadows. Too bad the stand user was poorly executed.
 * 2) Even when he only attacks children due to the obvious advantages, at least he was at his most competent state when he fought Polnareff (albeit Polnareff being affected by Sethan at the time).

Trivia

 * Him cutting down through a door with an axe is a reference to Jack Torrance's iconic "Here's Johnny!" scene from Stephen King's The Shining.
 * His namesake is the Alessi Brothers, an American pop duo.